Birthday Present
The parents of a difficult boy were discussing what to give him for a birthday present. The mother said, “Let's buy him a bicycle.”
“ Well,” said the father, “maybe – but do you think it will improve his behavior?”
“ Probably not,” said the mother, “but it will spread it over a wider area.”
生日礼物
一对父母正在讨论为淘气的孩子准备什么生日礼物。母亲说：“我们给他买自行车吧。”
“噢，”父亲说，“也许——但你认为这有助于改善他的行为吗？”
“大概不会，”母亲说，“但它最起码能扩散范围。”
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Who was THAT
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded[1] to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious[2] , her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
“ 那人 ” 是谁
把孩子们放到床上后，母亲换上一条家常裤和一件宽松衫，开始洗头发。当她听到孩子们越来越闹时，她有些不耐烦了。终于，她往头上缠一条浴巾，冲进他们的房间狂吼，把他们放回床上，严厉地警告过后，她离开了房间，这时她听到那三岁的孩子用发抖的声音说： “ ‘那人'是谁？”
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Be Quiet
A young mother paying a visit[3] to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.
But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there.”
“No,” said the doctor calmly, “He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.”
安静
一位年轻的母亲去拜访一名医生，医生的妻子并不制止这位母亲 5 岁的儿子在隔壁房间乱翻东西。
但在最后隔壁传来一声瓶子发出的巨大响声促使她对医生说：“医生，我希望你不介意约翰呆在那里。”
“没关系。”医生平静地说：“只要他碰到那些毒药他就会安静下来。”
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Burn
Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to
be confronted by[4] his teacher.
Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?”
Johnny “I'm sorry Miss, but my Granddad got burnt yesterday.”
Teacher, “Was he burned very bad?”
Johnny, “Yes Mam, they don't fuck around at these crematoriums[5] you know.
火烧
一天早晨小约翰刚到学校就被老师叫住：
“早上好，约翰，昨天你去哪了？”
“我很抱歉，老师，昨天我爷爷被火烧了。”
“他烧得严重吗？”
约翰说：“当然，老师，你知道他们在火葬场不敢乱来。”
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Sir
Teacher: What's you name ?
Pupil: Fred
Teacher: You should say “ Sir ” .
Pupil: OK, Sir Fred !
先生
老师：你叫什么名字？
学生：弗雷德。
老师：你应该说“先生”。
学生：好的，弗雷德先生。
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Important
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !
重要
老师：你能告诉我一百年前不存在的一种很重要的东西吗？
学生：我。
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Keep
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in[6] one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
留住
老师：为什么你用棉花塞住耳朵，你生病了么？
学生：是这样，你说的话我总是一只耳朵进，另一只耳朵出，所以我想这样把所有的话留在耳朵里。
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The Value of a Second Language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll[7] with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked[8] fiercely, “Woof, woof, woof!” The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, “Now, do you understand the value of a second language?”
外语的价值
一只鼠妈妈带着她的鼠宝宝出去散步，看到一只猫在灌木后蹲着。猫和他们互相对视着。
忽然鼠妈妈凶猛地叫起来： “汪！汪！汪！ ” 那只猫吓了一大跳，拼命逃走了。鼠妈妈转身对她的宝宝说： ” 现在，你明白外语的价值了吧？ ”
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confuse
“I'm confused,” the little boy admitted to his teacher. “I went to church last Sunday and they kept telling me to stand up[9] for Jesus! But then I went to the ballgame, and everyone kept yelling, ‘or Christ's sake, sit down!'”
糊涂
“ 我糊涂了。 ” 小男孩对他的老师说， “上个星期天我去教堂，他们不断叫我为了耶稣站起来！可是后来我去看球赛时，所有的人都不断大叫：‘看在耶稣份上，坐下去！' ”
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Amazing Speed
A farmer was showing a schoolboy round his farm when they came to a field where the farmer's sheep were grazing. “How many sheep do you reckon there are ?” asked the farmer proudly.
“Seven hundred and sixty four,” replied the boy after a few seconds.
The farmer gasped. “ That's exactly right, boy. How did you count them so quickly ? ”
“Simple,” said the boy genius, “I just counted the legs and divided by four !”
神速
一个农夫领着小男生参观他的农场。当他们来到一块田地时，农夫的绵羊正在吃草。 “ 你数数这里有多少只羊？ ” 农夫骄傲地说。
“ 七百六十四只。 ” 几秒钟后小男孩回答。
农夫吸了一口气： “ 一点都没错，孩子。你怎么数得这么快？ ”
“ 很简单， ” 小天才说道， “ 我只是数了羊腿的数目，然后将它们除以四！ ”
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[注释1] proceeded vi. 进行， 继续下去， 发生
As soon as he came in he proceeded to tell us all his troubles.
他一进来就把所有的烦恼告诉了我们。
[注释2] rambunctious adj. 粗暴的， 骚乱的， 难控制的
[注释3] pay a visit 访问（某人）； 参观（某地）
She paid us a visit. 她拜访了我们。
[注释4] be confronted by 碰上，面临， 面对
[注释5] crematoriums n. 火葬场， 垃圾焚化场
[注释6] go in 进入， 放得进， 参加， 参加比赛； ( 纸牌赌博中 ) 开价
[注释7] stroll vi. 散步； 游荡； 流动演出； vt. 在…上游荡
[注释8] barked n. 树皮， 吠声； v. 吠， 咆哮， 剥树
more bark than bite 刀子嘴， 豆腐心
[注释9] stand up 站起来
stand up against 抵抗， 反对， 同…对抗
