Mischief
As he was walking along the street the minister saw a little girl trying to reach a high door knocker[1]. Anxious to help, he went over to her. “Let me do it, dear,” he said, rapping the knocker vigorously.
“Great,” said the little girl. “Now run like hell !”
恶作剧
牧师沿街走过时，看见一个小女孩正试图拉一个高高的门环。他非常想帮她，于是走过去。“让我来吧，亲爱的， ” 说着，他用力地敲着门环。
“ 太棒了， ” 小女孩说，“现在拼命跑吧！ ”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's a Corner
Did you hear about[2]the Eskimo teacher who was reciting Little Jack Horner to her class of five year olds ? She'd got as far as[3] “Little Jack Horner sat in the corner' when one little girl put up her hand and said, 'Please, Miss, what's a corner ?”
什么是角落
你听说过吗？一个爱斯基摩老师给班上 5 岁的孩子们讲诵《小杰克 • 豪纳》，当她说到“小杰克 • 豪纳坐在角落 ” 时，一个小姑娘举手问道： “ 老师，请问，什么是角落 [4]？ ”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mad
“Ann!” the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. “If India has the world's second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it costs $3 for a day return to Austin , how old am I ?”
“Thirty two!”
“Why did you say that ?”
“Well, my brother's sixteen and he's half mad !”
疯狂
“ 安！ ” 一天，老师冲着一个正对着窗外做白日梦的女孩大叫，“如果印度拥有世界上第二多的人口，橘子 50 美分可以买 6 只，当天回到奥斯汀要花 3 美元，我多大了？ ”
“32 岁！ ”
“ 为什么你这么说？ ”
“ 噢，我的哥哥 16 岁，他有你一半的疯狂！ ”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Terrible
Father: I want to take my girl out of this terrible math class.
Teacher: But she's top of the class.
Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.
糟糕
父亲：我想把我女儿从这个糟糕的数学班带走。
老师：但她是这个班最棒的。
父亲：那就是我为什么认为它糟糕的原因。
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where's the P
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead[5] and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
“ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.”
“Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?”
“It's running down my leg.”
P 在哪儿
威尔弗雷德刚学会字母，他非常害怕在全班同学面前背诵。但是老师告诉他克服恐惧的最佳办法就是勇往直前，做好它。于是他战战兢兢地站在全班同学面前开始背诵。
“ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.”
“很好，威尔弗雷德。但你忘了 P 。 P 在哪儿？”
“正从我腿间跑下来。”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tactic
An exasperated[6] mother, whose son was always getting into mischief[7], finally asked him, “ How do you expect to get into Heaven? ”
The boy thought it over and said, “ Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming[8] the door until St. Peter says, ‘ For Heaven's sake, come in or stay out[9]! ' '”
策略
一个被总是制造恶作剧的儿子激怒了的母亲，最后问儿子：“你这个样子有什么指望能进天堂？”
男孩想了一会儿，说：“我会一会进一会出，一会进一会出，不断推撞门，直到圣•彼得说，‘看在上帝的份上，你到底是进还是出！'”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Damage
Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off[10].
“What's so funny?” they asked him.
“It was great,” he said. “I farted[11] and my neighbor's house blew up.”
损害
三个男人乘坐飞机，当他们飞越一个城镇时，他们决定扔东西玩玩。一个人扔了一本书，一个人扔了一块砖，另一个扔了一颗炸弹。然后他们降落地面，去调查他们所造成的损害。他们第一眼看到一个小男孩抱着一本书在哭。接着他们又看到另一个小男孩抱着一块砖在哭，然而他们看到一小男孩正笑嘻嘻的。
“有什么有趣的事吗？”他们问他。
“太好了，”他说：“我一放屁，邻居家的房子就爆炸了。”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me Neither
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “ Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests. ”
Johnny was astounded[12] and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. “ Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, ‘ Who was our first president? ' , and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put ‘ George Washington, ' and so did you. ”
“ So, everyone knows that he was the first president. ”
“ Well, just wait a minute, ” said Mr. Johnson. “ The next question was, ‘ Who freed the slaves? ' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you. ”
“ Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, ” said Johnny.
“ Wait, wait, ” said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, ‘ Who was president during the War II? ' Mary put ‘ I don't know, ' and you put, ‘ Me neither ' . ”
我也不知道
一天测验过后，约翰逊老师将约翰尼叫到他的办公桌前，说：“约翰尼，我发现你考试作弊。”
约翰很吃惊，问约翰逊老师有什么证据。“噢，”约翰逊老师说：“我审阅了你的卷子，当问到‘谁是第一任总统？'你旁边的女孩玛丽写的是‘乔治•华盛顿，'你的也是。”
“那又怎么样，每个人都知道他是第一任总统。”
“好，等等，”约翰逊老师说：“接下来的问题是‘谁解放了奴隶？'玛丽答阿伯拉罕•林肯，你也是。”
“我昨晚看历史书，记住了。”约翰尼说。
“等等，”约翰逊老师说：“再接下来的问题是，‘二次世界大战时期的总统是谁？'玛丽答‘我不知道，'你则写道‘我也不知道。'”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Words of Mother
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “ Dear, would you like to say the blessing ？”
“ I wouldn't know what to say, ” replied the little girl, shyly.
“ Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie, ” the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, “ Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!? ”
妈妈的话
一家人邀请了一些朋友来家共进晚餐。在饭桌上，母亲对 6 岁的女儿说，“亲爱的，你能说点祝福的话吗？”
“我不知道该怎么说。”小女孩害羞地说。
“就说妈妈说过的话吧，宝贝。”女人说道。
于是，女儿深呼吸，低着头，板着脸说，“天哪，我为什么要请这帮该死的家伙吃饭呢？”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hang
A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, “ Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room! ”
His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, “ Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?! ”
“ I'm sorry ，” says the boy. ” I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement. ”
上吊
一个小男孩跑进厨房，说：“妈妈，妈妈！爷爷在起居室上吊了！”
他母亲赶忙跑到起居室，发现那儿并没有人。她很恼火，说：“听着，你以后不准再那样对我撒谎，听明白了吗？”
“对不起，”孩子说：“我刚刚只是跟你开个玩笑，其实他是在地下室上吊的。”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[注释1] knocker n. 门环
[注释2] hear about 听到 ( 关于 )
[注释3] as far as 尽；就；至于
As far as I know ， he has gone to town. 就我所知，他到镇子上去了。
[注释4] 爱斯基摩人住在北极圈内，一般用冰雪筑成园形小屋，故而小孩子没住过方形的屋子，这则故事便是拿他们可能没有见过角落来开玩笑。
[注释5] go ahead ；（继续）前进；进行，开始
[注释6] exasperate v. 激怒
[注释7] mischief n. 伤害 , 危害 , 故障 , 恶作剧 , 淘气 ,调皮的人 ,损害
[注释8] slamming n. 砰击 bow flare slamming 船头猛倾
[注释9] stay out stay out 呆在外 , 不在家；呆到 ... 的结束；继续罢工
stay out of 不参与 ...; 不插手 ; 置身于 ... 之外
[注释10] head off 使转移方向；拦截
to head off a flock of sheep 拦截一群羊
[注释11] fart vi. 放屁 （与 about ， around 连用）闲荡，干蠢事
[注释12] astound v. 使大吃一惊
He was astounded when he heard his son had taken drugs.
他听说儿子吸毒，不禁大为惊讶。
