Answer
Teacher to student: Arnold what is the most popular answer to the teacher's questions?
Arnold : I don't know ma'am.
Teacher: Correct!'
回答
老师问学生：阿诺德，老师的问题最通常得到的回答是什么？
阿诺德：我不知道，夫人。
老师：正确。
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A Natural Childbirth
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “ How was I born? ”
“ Well honey... ” said the slightly prudish[1] parent, “ the stork[2] brought you to us. ”
“ Oh, ” said the boy. “ Well, how did you and daddy get born? ” he asked.
“ Oh, the stork brought us too. ”
“ Well how were grandpa and grandma born? ” he persisted.
“ Well darling, the stork brought them too! ” said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher. The opening sentence is:
“ This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations. ”
自然分娩
一个男孩被指派写关于分娩的论文。他问父母：“我是怎么出生的？”
“噢，亲爱的……”父母有点勉为其难地说：“是颧把你带给我们的。”
“那你和爸爸是怎么出生的？”
“噢，也是颧带我们来到这个世界的。”
“那爷爷和奶奶是怎么出生的？”
“噢，亲爱的，也是颧带他们来的。”父母答道。
几天后，男孩将论 文交给 老师。开头第一段是：“这篇论文太难写了，我们家三代没有一个人是自然分娩的。”
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Presents
It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist[3] 's daughter came up and gave her teacher a box. The teacher said, “ I'll bet these are flowers! ” The girl replied, “ How did you know? “ Just a lucky guess, ” she said.
Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “ Just a lucky guess. ”
Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box's corners was damp[4] from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, “ No. ” She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne[5] . The boy again said no. Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box. He said happily, “ A puppy[6]! ”
礼物
就要放假了，所有的学生都给老师带来了礼物。一个种花人的女儿走上前去递给老师一个盒子。老师说：“我猜一定是花！”女孩说：“你怎么知道的？”“就是猜的。”她说。另一个家里开糖果店的小男孩也给老师一个盒子。老师说她知道一定是糖果。男孩问她怎么知道的，她又说：“就是猜的。”最后，一个父亲开酒吧的小男孩走了过来，也给老师一只盒子，但盒子的一角有一个小漏洞，还有点湿。老师问男孩是不是酒。男孩说，“不是。”老师摸了摸湿的小洞口，还尝了尝，问是不是香槟。男孩又说不是的。最后，老师猜不着了，问盒子里到底是什么。男孩兴奋地说：“是一只小狗！”
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Not Enough
A child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, “Well, what did you learn today?”
The kid replies, “Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.”
不够
一个孩子上学第一天回家，他妈妈问他：“你今天学了些什么？”
那小孩回答说：”学得不够，他们让我明天再回去。”
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Scare
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said. “ don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking[7].”
吓人
有个小男孩成绩不好，一天，他让他的老师吃了一惊。他拍拍老师的肩膀说：“我不想吓你，但我爸爸说如果我考不好，有人就要被打屁股。”
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Cosmetology
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream[8] on her face. “ Why do you do that, mommy? ” he asked. “ To make myself beautiful, ” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue[9]. “ What's the matter? ” asked Little Johnny. “ Giving up? ”
美容
小约翰着迷地看着妈妈把冷霜涂在脸上。“为什么你要涂这个，妈妈？”他问道。“让妈妈变漂亮。”妈妈回答说，然后用棉纸把冷霜擦掉。“怎么了？” 小约翰问，“放弃了？”
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Play
A little girl asked her mother, “ Can I go outside and play with the boys? ” Her mother replied, “ No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough. ” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “ If I can find a smooth one, can I play with[10] him? ”
玩
一个小女孩问妈妈：“我可以出去和男孩子玩吗？”妈妈说：“不行，你不能和他们玩，他们太粗鲁了。”小女孩想了一会儿又问：“如果我找到一个安静的男孩，我可以玩玩他吗？”
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Understand
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb[11], though his mother had tried everything from bribery[12] to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up[13] like a balloon.” Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh...I know what you've been doing.”
明白
一个小男孩四岁了还有吮拇指的习惯，虽然他的妈妈想尽一切办法来哄他都无济于事。最后妈妈试着吓唬他说：“如果你再吮手指，你的胃会变得像气球一样大。”后来有一天，走在公园的路上，妈妈和儿子看见了一个孕妇坐在凳子上，这个小男孩对着孕妇严肃地沉思了一分钟后对她说：”啊，噢……我知道你一直在干什么了。”
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You Are Jesus
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, age 5 and Ryan, age 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity to teach a moral lesson and said, “If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can eat when he is finished.'
So Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus.”
你做耶稣
一位母亲正准备为她的两个儿子— 5 岁的凯文和 3 岁的赖恩做薄煎饼。两个孩子一开始就吵着要吃第一块薄煎饼。他们的母亲见此情况，认为正是进行道德教育的机会，就说：“如果耶稣在这里，他一定会说，‘让我的兄弟先吃，我等他吃完了才吃。'”
这时，凯文转身对弟弟说，“赖恩，你做耶稣吧。”
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Answer
A first grade teacher was telling her class about the 3 little pigs. She got to the part where the pigs get the building materials and said, “The first little pig went up to[14] a man and asked, ‘ Excuse me sir, but may I have some straw to build a house?'”
The teacher wanted to know if the class was paying attention so she asked, “What do you think the man said?”
One boy raised his hand and said, “I think maybe the man said something like, ‘WOW! A talking pig!'”
答案
一年级老师正在给同学们讲三只小猪的故事。当她讲到小猪们正在搜集建筑材料时，说：”第一只小猪走到一个人面前，问道，‘对不起，先生，能给我一些稻草盖房子吗？'”
老师为了检验同学们有没有认真听课，就问道：”你们认为那个人会说什么？”
一个男孩举手，说：”我想那个人也许会说，‘哇！一只会说话的猪！”
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[注释1] prudish adj. 过分规矩的， 装正经的
[注释2] stork n. [ 鸟 ] 鹳
[注释3] florist n. 种花人
[注释4] damp adj. 潮湿的
[注释5] champagne n. 香槟酒， 香槟色
[注释6] puppy n. ( 常指未满一岁的 ) 小狗， 小动物， 自负的青年
[注释7] spanking n. 拍击， 打屁股； adj. 强烈的， 疾行的； adv. 显著地
[注释8] cold cream n. 雪花膏， 冷霜 ( 一种化妆品 )
[注释9] tissue n. 薄纸， 棉纸， 薄的纱织品
[注释10] play with 玩， 戏弄， 摆弄； 不大认真考虑 ( 某一问题 )
play with fire 玩火， 做危险的事
[注释11] thumb n. 拇指； vt. 以拇指拨弄， 笨拙处理， 弄坏， 翻阅， 作搭车手势
[注释12] bribery n. 行贿； 贿赂， 受贿， 被收买 commit bribery 行 [ 受 ] 贿
[注释13] blow up 形成 A storm blew up. 风暴骤起。
[注释14] go up to 前往
